It’s ok not to be ok

In a world like today, where we are almost forced to be someone we are not, to pretend to be fine, even though we are not, to show a poker face most of the time…

In a world like today, where we strive for perfectionism and where we try to show off our ‘perfect’ lives, online and offline…

In a world like today, where authenticity is so much sought after, but not really lived fully and courageously…

I am saying to you – IT IS OK NOT TO BE OK. 

I am sitting here, writing about my emotions and feelings as I feel a deep pain and loss and numbness and emptiness after losing my mum to a stroke a little over a month ago. Because, even though I am feeling better, I am still not ok, and it is ok, not to be ok. 

You might be asking what prompted me to write this post – it is the remarks I was getting from people. Things like: “Oh, you are not ok, yet?” or “Aren’t you taking it too seriously?” or “Don’t worry, it shall pass.” or “Let me cheer you up.” etc.

Remarks like that make me want to punch someone in their face, seriously. 

Where did compassion and empathy go? How far did we go as human beings that we are unable to feel with the rest of us?

When a person is in deep pain, what that person needs is compassion and to be fully seen as a human being.A person in pain is not a problem to be solved, it is a person who is feeling deep emotions and just needs acknowledgement.

Part of my job as an executive coach is role-modeling and showing up in an authentic way. In order to do that, and to live in line with my values, I have been very open with all my clients of what has happened and how I felt, and also how it affected me, and that I did not feel 100% myself. I told each single client, that if they felt the sessions didn’t bring the value they expected, they would not be charged and we would repeat the sessions at a more suitable time.

What do you think the reaction was? By every single one of them, I was met with compassion, empathy and understanding. Every single one. Imagine the beauty of their souls.

By sharing how we feel, we give permission to others to be open about their real feelings too. We give permission to others to be who they really are. And isn’t this what authenticity is about? 

In your opinion, how would it feel if we would allow ourselves to feel what we really feel? How would it feel to give ourselves permission to do just that? Think about it and let me know.

Because the aim is not to be perfect; the aim is to be human.

“This article appeared on LinkedIn on 26th September 2019”